It's Been A While ...

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog ... I don't even know if anyone reads these besides me, but I don't guess it matters since I am venting and making myself feel better ...

There a few reasons for my lack of writing, but mostly, I just have a lot going on. I run around most days, doing the exact same things, over and over. I feel like I'm in that movie 'Groundhog Day,' where the day keeps repeating over and over ... Dog peeing & pooping on the floor instead of his puppy pad, kids peeing & pooping all over themselves, feeding the kids, ATTEMPTING to get my MT schoolwork done, and the list goes on ... and I now find myself in some kind of never~ending "fog" that I can't seem to get myself out of.

The first 5 months of Tim's deployment were bearable. I was fine. I did my schoolwork, I graduated with my BBA, I went home to NC, the kids & I finished out the summer, Nicki went back to school ... but somewhere in the past 3 weeks, the pieces have slowly been unraveling and I can't seem to stop them! I feel like I'm drowning! My nerves are terrible! I feel like I can't breathe all the time, like I'm suffocating. I pray to God all day long to take this unbearable misery away, I rebuke the bad thoughts & feelings ... and they leave for a little bit. The devil is fighting me so hard, and I feel like I'm losing. HOW do I make this go away?! What do you do when you're fighting with everything you have inside and feel like you are simply beating your head against a brick wall over & over again, waiting for the blessed relief of unconsciousness, only to find that it is never going to come?!

I KNOW I am not the only person in the world having a hard time! Anyone trying to live a good life & be a Christian is living a hard life. What does that tell me?! That time of Jesus' coming is close & that the fight is only going to continue to get harder! So, I have to pull every bit of strength that I have deep down inside me and keep on keepin' on. I have to.

SO, I found these quotes tonight & I am going to keep reading them until I no longer feel like I am suffocating ~

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:6-7

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I am going to pray & pray, even though I feel like I am all prayed out until the peace that passes all understanding fills me and I feel strong again.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

As I was getting ready to end this blog, I found the following while searching for bible verses & I believe it with ALL my heart & I KNOW God led me to this and he is going to get me through it:

"In these times of uncertainty, you may be feeling pressure from various sources. You want to know what you did to deserve the problems (financial, marital, health etc.) Well, the Lord wants you to know that these problems are not a punishment. He wants you to know though everything seems to indicate that your life is falling to pieces, don’t you believe it! Remember, that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose”. Hold on to your faith in the Lord. He will not allow you to fall. He hears your prayers and has already answered them. “Stand still and know that he is God”. “The protector of Israel never sleeps nor slumbers”. He is faithful, hold on. The manifestation of what has been released in the spirit is on the way. Though it is the enemy’s job to make you tired to the point of giving up, don’t you do it! ... Praise Lord, my brothers and sisters! Praise him in the midst of the trial. Be strong not in your own strength, but in the strength of Jesus, who has endured all for you and I. So, be encouraged and know that the Lord sees your trials, has heard your prayers and has released his grace, deliverance and favor upon your life. You're not suffering for past sins (the devil is a liar) God has forgiven you. Your current delimma is just a trial, permitted by the Lord to draw you closer to him. So, lean on the Lord, friend, and know all is well. Keep your mind on him and he will keep you in perfect peace. As a believer, I bind the spirit of anxiety, condemnation and doubt. I loose an increase in your faith, I loose the peace of Christ in your life this day in Jesus name. Remember the Lord loves you very much and he knows exactly what you're dealing with and has declared his divine peace and favor to be upon you. Now accept and live this day in it. In Jesus name."

I Am Now Looking At My Father's Death In A New Light ...

I began a bible study last week for wives of deployed soldier's that teaches one how to deal with the emotional and spiritual battles of the Military Wife. The author of the study bible we are using wrote this:

In my book, Hope for the Home Front, I tell another story of my wonderful father who, despite our years of praying for his healing, died with amyotrophic lateral sclerosi (ALS), or Lou Gehrig's disease, at 53 years young...As I grieved for my dad, God gently taught me that true safety and deliverance is unseen to the human eye. If I believed my eyes, I would be tempted to believe that God had not protected, healed, delivered my dad in the least. I now know otherwise. In 2 Corinthians 4:18, we are told to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." By faith in what God has said in His word about our one hope and one salvation, Jesus Christ, I know in my heart that my father experienced God's best deliverance ever...unseen and eternal...right into the presence of God.

I cried when I read this. Not because I don't believe it, but because it made me think about my daddy's death in the way that God would want me to, and that I should have been looking at it all along. I thank God for allowing me to grieve in my own way and for showing me that it's okay to be sad and to miss my dad and wish that he were still with us.

Through this passage, God showed me that my comfort should be found in the fact that my father is in the presence of God, no longer hurting, no longer unhappy! I will be there with him one day, and I strive to live the life that God, and my father, would be proud of.

God is GOOD, and I look forward to more positive revelations such as this one as the bible study continues, and as I grow as a person! God put me in this Bible Study for a reason !!!

The Battle's Not Mine...

As those of you close to me know, I have fought a long, hard battle my whole life it seems. I say this not to elicit pity from anyone. I don't want it or need it. Yet, I take one step forward, and I get pushed twenty steps back. It's like I'm trying to turn around on a one way street (or make a U-turn, which is nearly IMPOSSIBLE here in Colorado Springs)! Ha Ha!

Until the past two weeks, I had imagined that the past YEAR so far had been the absolute WORST of my entire life! One should always be careful what they say! It can ALWAYS get worse, and more often than not, does! Especially, when one is trying to live a "Christian" life, which I have been trying to do of late. So, knowing what I know and being raised as I was a raised in a loving, tight-knit Pentecostal home with the vast majority of my extended family ALSO being Pentecostal, it should come as NO surprise to me that the Devil is doing His utmost to destroy me right now.

I have changed A LOT of things in my life in the past few weeks. I've changed a lot of my lifestyle behaviors, I've let a lot of people go that didn't bring anything positive to my life, and I'm still making changes...And I don't care what other people think about those changes.

It doesn't matter exactly WHAT it is that I'm going through right now. Those close to me know, God knows. I miss home SO much right now. I miss my family. I call & IM & email for prayers. I need them now more than I ever have in my entire life. I miss my MeMa. I miss my Dad. I miss having my Mom right there holding me and telling me, "God is going to get you through this." Even when you know this deep down in the core of your being, it is SO hard when you are physically ALONE! That is when the Devil comes in and tries to get you because you are at your most vulnerable.

So, in my head, all day long, I think about this song, that I first heard as a teenager at this little bitty Church of God in Franklinton, North Carolina and then I think my mom ended up singing it later...But it has helped me so much this week....

LITTLE DAVID

---

CHORUS:

"The battle's not mine," said Little David,
"Lord, it's Thine, I'm in Your favor.
I'm giving it all to You, I knew not what to do.
I'm so glad You let me see, You're really all that I need.
For the battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."

1. Little David looked so small, Goliath looked so tall,
The odds were just too high for Little David.
So he shook off all of his load for with the power of God he was bold,
He said, "The battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."

CHORUS:

2. A Little David he stood tall, now Goliath seemed so small,
Sweet victory had reigned for Little David.
He gave the battle to One with a record for getting things done,
He said, "The battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."

CHORUS: twice

There is still SO much uncertainty...I don't know what's going to happen. I am just trying to hold on with everything I have right now. God knows I can't take anymore, so I have to believe He's going to start taking some of this off of me if I will let Him! I have already let some of it go. So, here's the rest Lord. Take it! I can't carry it anymore. I'm giving it all to You! I need You to carry me this time!

"Trust..."

"Delay never thwarts God's purposes, it only polishes His instruments"

[Portions borrowed from someone else, but SO pertinent in MY life!]

This journey can be so hard at times...well MOST of the time. But I can honestly look back on the last 2 years and although I wouldn't want to do them over again, I am thankful for them. Some days, I have REALLY bad days, and I wonder why God even keeps me here! I can be mean, heartless, unforgiving, selfish, impossible...the list goes on and on.

I know that God wants to do a great work in my life. I know that I am being refined ("polished") and I know that this is good! It is so painful to be "broken", and I have been broken so many times in the last 2 years. But I believe God has to bring us to a point sometimes where there is nothing else that we can control.....nothing else to hold onto except Him, so that he can refine us...polish us. I am human and everyday, hour, sometimes minute is different, but I choose to trust God for His plan for my life. He can see the big picture and He has a perfect plan and it is good! I know that tomorrow I might be like "but God I really think it would be great if we could move back home to North Carolina." I might try to give God some advice (LOL)...but after every disappointment here in Colorado, every tearful day, etc...I will come back to the truth that God has plans to prosper me and not harm me....plans to give me hope and a future. God has a plan so much bigger than I could ever imagine and I am thankful for that!

There are days that I am going to fail at this. There are days that are just going to be "bad" days and I just have to realize that and say, "Today is not going to be my best day, but I'm going to do the best I can, and by God's grace, I'm going to get through it and move on to tomorrow!" This week has probably been one of the worst in the course of this journey. They seem to get harder & harder and longer & longer. But, at the end of the day, I realize when I am here in my alone time after everyone is in bed...If I was hopeless and lost & God was no where to be found in my life, why would the Devil fight me SO hard and try to make things so difficult?! The answer is simple...He wouldn't.

I hope that this blog helps someone who I want to give the words to, but don't know how. I hope someone in my circle is blessed by this, or that it is passed on to someone who is not in my circle and they are blessed. And as I sit here @ 10:00 PM and listen to the sound of "Taps" play over the loudspeaker on Post, I am sad yet strangely peaceful. My daddy would be proud.

What IS Karma?!?!

Karma is the effects of all deeds actively created by your past, future, and present experiences. Thus, you are responsible for your own life, including the pain and joy it brings yourself and others.

Every person has his or her own Karma. This Karma was based on prior decisions and actions a person has made or intends to make. Another easy way to understand Karma is through the law of cause and effect. For every cause there is an inevitable effect. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.

The Bible & Reaping What You Sow:

"Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
- Bible: Galatians (6:7)

"For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one
tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."
- Bible: Matthew (5:18)

"And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the
law to fail."
- Bible: Luke (16:17)

"He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which
soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully."
- Bible: 2 Corinthians (9:6)

"For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of
grass. The grass withereth, and the flower falleth away: But the word
of the Lord endureth for ever."
- Bible: 1 Peter (1:24-25)

"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
And his disciples asked him, saying, 'Master, who did sin, this man,
or his parents, that he was born blind?' Jesus answered, 'Neither hath
this man sinned, nor his parents: but the works of God should be made
manifest in him'."
- Bible: John (9:1-3)
......(the works of God in this case being the fulfillment of karma)

"God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time for
every purpose and for every work."
- Bible: Ecclesiastes (3:17)

"Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in
the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the
sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will
bring thee into judgment."
- Bible: Ecclesiastes (11:9)

"For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind."
- Bible: Hosea (8:7)

"Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness,
reap the same."
- Bible: Job (4:8)

You can’t harvest what you don’t sow. So plant your desires, gently nurture them, and they will be rewarded with abundance. ~ Vivian Elisabeth Glyck

The story is told of two boys who were walking through a field and found some corn seeds scattered across the ground. They each took one of the seeds home and planted it.

When the first boy didn’t see a tiny sprout after the second day, he dug up the seed to see if it had sprouted. Each day he dug up the seed and replanted it, but the corn would not grow. The seed had germinated; yet the boy had not allowed it to maintain contact with the soil, take root, and obtain nutrients. So, it died.

The second boy planted his seed and left it alone. He imagined a tall stalk of corn where he had planted the seed. He waited patiently as rains came and sunshine bathed the ground with warmth. In ten days, a small sprout had broken through the ground, its curled leaves reaching toward the sky.

Achieving any desire, whether large or small, begins with a seed sown in the mind. That seed is the vision of its fulfillment. It also requires the commitment to allow the vision to grow—the faith in God to do His part through storm, rain, and sunshine.

Commitment in daily life allows life’s storms to strengthen resolve. Resolve allows us to nurture a new dream, improve an existing dream, or even begin over if necessary. Faith allows acceptance of any circumstance as God’s blessing for ultimate growth.

A seed sown must be nourished with faith and belief. When you hold a picture of the final creation in your mind, you hold and maintain faith. You honor God’s desire to create something wonderful, and you honor His choice of your hands to help do the job.

How often do we plant the seed of a beautiful dream in the fertile soil of our minds, and then dig it up? What could you achieve if you allowed your seed to grow, continuing to focus your spiritual eyes on the harvest?

If it were not possible for you to achieve a dream, God would not have placed it in your heart and mind. Sow your seed, allow it to grow, and see an abundant harvest.

Assorted KARMA QUOTES

"Contrary to popular misconception, karma has nothing to do with
punishment and reward. It exists as part of our holographic universe's
binary or dualistic operating system only to teach us responsibility
for our creations—and all things we experience are our creations."
- Sol Luckman

"Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don't even notice it."
- Sakyong Mipham

"You must acknowledge and experience this part of the universe. Karma
is intricate, too vast. You would, with your limited human senses,
consider it too unfair. But you have tools to really, truly love.
Loving the children is very important. But love everyone as you would
love your children."
- Kuan Yin

"Still others commit all sorts of evil deeds, claiming karma doesn't
exist. They erroneously maintain that since everything is empty,
committing evil isn't wrong. Such persons fall into a hell of endless
darkness with no hope of release. Those who are wise hold no such
conception."
- Bohidharma

Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant
will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results.
- Sakyong Mipham

"My Karma ran over your dogma."
- Anonymous

"I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good."
- Sandra Bullock

'When someone has a strong intuitive connection, Buddhism suggests
that it's because of karma, some past connection'.
- Richard Gere

'Karma, ahhh. We sow what we reap... We reap what we sow! We reap what
we sow. The law of cause and effect. And we are all under this law."
- Nina Hagen

"As long as karma exists, the world changes. There will always be
karma to be taken care of."
- Nina Hagen

"I believe in Karma. If the good is sown, the good is collected. When
positive things are made, that returns well."
- Yannick Noah

"Karma is not just about the troubles, but also about surmounting them."
- Rick Springfield

"I would never disrespect any man, woman, chick or child out there.
We're all the same. What goes around comes around, and karma kicks us
all in the butt in the end of the day."
- Angie Stone

"I never kill insects. If I see ants or spiders in the room, I pick
them up and take them outside. Karma is everything."
- Holly Valance

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor
touched ...but are felt in the heart."
- Helen Keller

"When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling
inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says,
yes, this is how I ought to feel."
- Harold Kushner

"The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in
turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far
place my touch will be felt."
- Frederick Buechner

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we
crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are
always attained by giving them to someone else."
- Peyton Conway March

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before.
starting to improve the world"
- Anne Frank

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it
will be too late."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to
evaporate."
- Albert Schweitzer

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."
- Unknown

"Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you're hating part of yourself."
- Elvis Presley, American rock 'n' roll icon (1935-1977)

"Such is the moral construction of the world that no national crime passes unpunished in the long run... Were present oppressors to reflect on the same truth, they would spare to their own countries the penalties on their present wrongs which will be inflicted on them in future times. The seeds of hatred and revenge which they [sow] with a large hand will not fail to produce their fruits in time. Like their brother robbers on the highway, they suppose the escape of the moment a final escape and deem infamy and future risk countervailed by present gain."
- Thomas Jefferson, American Founding Father and U.S. president (1743-1826), letter to Francois de Marbois, 1817

"To live without risk is to risk not living."
- Pope Pius XII

Contrary to popular misconception, karma has nothing to do with punishment and reward. It exists as part of our holographic universe's binary or dualistic operating system only to teach us responsibility for our creations-and all things we experience are our creations.
- Sol Luckman

"We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness."
- Thich Nhat Hanh, French-based Vietnamese Buddhist monk, peace activist and author (b. 1926)

"Men are not punished for their sins, but by them."
- Elbert Hubbard, American entrepreneur and philosopher (founder of the Roycroft firm) (1856-1915)

"Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein."
- Proverbs

"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else."
- George Bernard Shaw, Anglo-Irish dramatist and wit (1856-1950)

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but torment to themselves."
- William Penn, American colonial leader (1644-1718)

"By a divine paradox, wherever there is one slave there are two. So in the wonderful reciprocities of being, we can never reach the higher levels until all our fellows ascend with us."
- Edwin Markham, American poet (1852-1940)

"No man who continues to add something to the material, intellectual and moral well-being of the place in which he lives is left long without proper reward."
- Booker T. Washington, American educator (1856-1915)

"Did ever a man try heroism, magnanimity, truth, sincerity, and find that there was no advantage in them -- that it was a vain endeavor?"
- Henry David Thoreau, American writer, philosopher and
naturalist (1817-1872)

"Do good with what thou hast, or it will do thee no good.''
- William Penn, American colonial leader (1644-1718)

"Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny."
- Unknown

"They who live have all things; they who withhold have nothing."
- Hindu proverb

"Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace."
- Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), Indian philosopher and founder of Buddhism (c. 563-c. 483 B.C.)

"No man is more cheated than a selfish man."
- Henry Ward Beecher, American preacher (1813-1887)

"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
- Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher (121-180 A.D.)

"People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead."
- Edith Wharton, American novelist (1862-1937), from The Age of Innocence

"Luck is a word devoid of sense. Nothing can exist without a cause."
- Voltaire (Francois-Marie Arouet), French author, wit and philosopher (1694-1778)

"We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold in them."
- Elbert Hubbard, American entrepreneur and philosopher (founder of the Roycroft firm) (1856-1915)

"Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself."
- Felix Adler, American educator and reformer (1851-1933)

"Doubt breeds doubt."
- Franz Grillparzer, Austrian dramatist and poet (1791-1872)

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German statesman, poet, novelist, dramatist and scientist (1749-1832)

"Any man will usually get from other men just what he is expecting of them. If he is looking for friendship he will likely receive it. If his attitude is that of indifference, it will beget indifference. And if a man is looking for a fight, he will in all likelihood be accommodated in that."
- John Richelsen

"If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of becoming a prophet."
- Isaac Bashevis Singer, Yiddish-American writer (1904-1991)

"Realize that everything connects to everything else."
- Leonardo DaVinci

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
- Philo

"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference.
They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."
- Barbara De Angelis

Dalai Lama Karma Quotes:

"Delusions are states of mind which, when they arise within our mental continuum, leave us disturbed, confused and unhappy. Therefore, those states of mind which delude or afflict us are called 'delusions'..."

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

"Take into account that great love and great achievements invlove great risk."

"When you lose, do not lose the lesson."

"Happiness is not something ready made. It is comes from your own actions."

"Follow the 3 RES.
RESpect for others.
RESpect for yourself.
RESponsibility for all your actions."

"Sometimes not getting what you want is an amazing stroke of luck."

"Always learn the rules so you can break them properly."

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to
be happy, practice compassion."

"Do not let a small dispute injure a great relationship."

"Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace."

"When you realize you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it."

"Spend some amount of time alone everyday."

"Open youself to change, but do not let go of your values."

"With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's
ability, one can build a better world."

"Remember that silence can sometimes be the best answer."

"Live a good and honorable life. Then, when you are older you can
look back and enjoy it a second time."

"A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for a great life."

"In disagreements with loved ones, only deal with the present. Do not
bring up the past."

"Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality."

"Be gentle with the earth."

"Once a year, go some place you have never been."

"The best relationship is one which your love for each other exceeds
your need for one another."

"Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to achieve it."

"Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."

"All major religious traditions carry basically the same message;
that is love, compassion, and forgiveness are the important things
that should be part of our daily lives."

Wayne Dyer Karma Quotes:

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

"Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you."

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being -- not because
anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a
lot of money -- but because you decide to believe it and for no other
reason."

"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the
floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way."

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's
always your choice."

"Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were
your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed."

"Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul."

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't
know anything about."

"You are important enough to ask and you are blessed enough to receive
back."

Rig Veda Karma Quotes:

"One should, perform karma with nonchalance without expecting the benefits because sooner of later one shall definitely gets the fruits. "

"The person desirous of success and strength should perform good karma
continuously."

"The real happiness of life is in doing 'karma'."

"A person who performs good Karma (deeds) is always held in high esteem. "

" Ego is the biggest enemy of humans. "

"A person can achieve everything by being simple and humble."

"People who are soft spoken and truthful are loved by all. "

"When there is harmony between the mind, heart and resolution then
nothing is impossible. "

"Only the person having firm conviction and iron volition can attain
strength and energy. At no stage of Karma does he ever hesitate."

Bhagavad Gita Karma Quote:

"The power of God is with you at all times; through the activities of
mind, senses, breathing, and emotions; and is constantly doing all the
work using you as a mere instrument."

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Often times, I have asked myself (and God), why do these certain people do these horrible, hateful, spiteful things, but yet NEVER reap what they sow?!?!?! However, I was recently reminded by a very dear friend that we don't always know everything going on in the hearts & lives of these people. Perhaps their punishment will be to live a very long & very lonely life? Or, these people may give the impression of sheer happiness and that everything is truly going their way, yet inside they question everything and are just putting on a front? Who knows when, where or how Karma (God) will punish these people?! However, one thing I am DESPERATELY trying to live is that ONLY God can be the judge & jury for these people! I cannot judge them nor punish them. It isn't my place, and I have to learn how to take comfort in the fact that God will deal with these people, in HIS time, not in mine!

TRULY Blessed...

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

I'd Done A Lot Of Things Different.....

It's been almost 3 1/2 weeks since my daddy died, and I still feel as though I am living in some sort of altered reality! I know it is going to get worse before it gets better. I know that when the fact that my daddy is gone truly sets in, I am going to break down and maybe even lose it for a little while. I know that's normal. I know there is a natural grieving process and that everyone handles it differently. I want to help my family grieve. I think we all want to help each other. I want to, but I am having a hard enough time trying to grieve all by myself. I've always been one of the strong ones. It is not in my nature to give up or let myself stay down for long. That is why my battle with depression and anxiety angers me so much! It keeps me from being in control, and those who know me can tell you, I do NOT like not being in control.

I didn't think I was going to feel the angry emotion. I am NOT angry with God for taking my daddy! He had a purpose for taking him. I know that. God needed him for something bigger than I will ever understand. Or maybe God just didn't want one of His children to suffer any longer. But I AM angry sometimes ~ the selfish part of me that almost goes to pick up the phone to call my daddy just to remember that he isn't there to call. I can't bring myself to delete his cell phone number from my address book in my cell phone. To delete that number would be to accept that he is gone, and I can't do that yet.

We played this song at my father's funeral. It was one of three songs that we thought he would have wanted:

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

And this song.....Well, sometimes, I tell myself that I wouldn't change anything in my life because those things have made me who I am. But you know what?! I WOULD have done some things different if I had known ahead of time that my daddy was going to die so soon!

I’d spent a lot more time out in the pouring rain without an umbrella
Covering my head
And I’d stood up to that bully when he pushed and called me names
But I was too afraid
And I’d gone on and saw Elvis that night he came to town
Mama said I couldn't
And I'd went skinny dipping with Jenny Carson that time she dared me to
But I didn't
Oh I, I’d done a lot of things different
I wish I’d spent more time with my dad when he was alive Now I don't have the chance
And I wish I'd told my brother how much I loved him before he went off to war
But I just shook his hand
I wish I’d gone to church on Sunday morning when my grandma begged me to
But I was afraid of God
I wish I would of listened when they said boy you're gonna wish you hadn't
But I wouldn't
Oh I, I’d done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing
Even if they could
Oh but I would

There was this red dress she wanted one time so bad she could taste it
I shoulda bought it, but I didn't
She wanted to paint our bedroom yellow and trim it in blues and greens
But I wouldn't let her, it wouldn't of hurt nothing
She loved, to be held and kissed and touched
But I didn't do it, not nearly enough
And If I’d had known that dance was gonna be our last dance
I'd asked that band to play on and on, on and on
Oh I, I’d done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing
Even if they could
Oh but I would, ooh

Oh I, I’d done a lot of things different
Oh I, I’d done a lot of things

I think we'd all do a lot of things different.

My sister, Robyn, wrote a blog today that broke my heart.....On one hand, it broke my heart because I am not physically there for her. On the other hand, it broke my heart because I feel the EXACT same things she is feeling. This was my reply to her:

Robyn.....I am right there with you wondering....What if? What if we HAD allowed the doctors to rescusitate Daddy?! But we both know the answer to this question. Daddy wouldn't have wanted to live that way...hooked up to life support indefintely...He was SO tired of hurting! I know what you mean about not wanting to start crying because you might not stop. I miss Daddy SO much, and you know what? We ALWAYS will! Not a day will go by that we won't think of him. You ALSO know that God doesn't make mistakes. It was Daddy's time to go. Nothing that we decided, and nothing that those doctors did was going to change God's plans for Daddy! So, what we have to do, is realize that Daddy is home with God and the angels and he isn't sad or crying or hurting. He is dancing on the streets of gold and praising God that his neck no longer hurts and his head no longer hurts and he's not throwing up blood anymore! And he's watching over us in Heaven with MeMa and praying for us every second. Because you know what Daddy wants now?! He wants each and every one of us to join them in Heaven one day! We will grieve because we are Human, and that is what Humans do! But every time I feel sad, I remind myself that my daddy isn't sad anymore! I take comfort in that! You can, too! I LOVE YOU!

Yet as I tell her this....do I TRULY believe what I am saying?! YES, I do! Maybe not EVERY second of every day, but I DO believe it! Sometimes, when I am at my lowest, I drop to my knees and BEG for a sign from my MeMa that everything is going to be okay, that I am going to get through whatever it is that I am upset about.....For those of you that don't know....My MeMa came to me in a dream a few years back when I was going through a HORRIBLE time in my life, and told me that everything was going to be all right. And when I woke up, I KNEW it was going to be all right. I felt that way when she was alive. If she told me something was going to be all right, I believed it ~ NO QUESTIONS ASKED! So, why do I have such a hard time believing now that she & my daddy are gone?! It's because I am Human, and I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that GOD IS IN CONTROL! Also, it's because I am still grieving for them both! I WANT them to be here with me, to hold me when I'm sad, to pray for me when I don't know what to do...But they ARE praying for me! The body might be gone, but the soul IS NOT!

We NEVER, NEVER know when someone is going to be taken from us! There is not enough time for people to behave childishly and try to bring other people down. We should be praying for each other, show genuine concern for each other, and love each other. If we can't do that, then we shouldn't be in that person's life. You need to let the people you love KNOW you love them every single day! Even if someone is a stranger, sometimes just giving them a smile as you pass them by may make all the world in their lives!! I am so grateful that my daddy knew how much I loved him & that I was coming as fast as I could to be with him before he died. It was NOT expected! He had been in poor health for years, be we never in a million years thought that he was sick to the point that he would be taken from us so soon! I know that God has a plan for us all even when we cannot understand it! So, take heart in that! Hold tight to God and you let those that cannot take you for who you are and are there to only cause issue in your life go! Life is too short!

RIP Daddy! May 28, 1950 ~ February 2, 2009

Last night @ approximately 11:08 PM EST, my daddy left this world with his family by his side! My son, Brandon, was in his room...talking to him, reading him a Bible verse...he came out & said that my father's heart kept stopping for long periods of time and that we needed to get in there. I walked as fast as I could with him and we were the first two in his room. I stared at the monitor and could see the triangle and then the straight line that went on and on and then a triangle and a long, long line and then a triangle and a line......and then he was gone.

My sisters & I, my son, Brandon, two of my dad's brothers, my sisters fiance Grant, my sister Robyn's husband Kevin......My cousin Jeffrey.....if I left anyone out...I'm sorry.....were in the room. I knew one day he would die....I just never thought it would be now.

I go back and forth between numb & sadness & then numb again. I am not angry. I know that he is in a better place now. He doesn't hurt. He isn't sad. He is with the Lord, with my baby cousin, Jeffrey who I never knew; with my cousin, Jana; with my MeMa. I keep thinking it's just a dream, and I'm going to wake up, and he's going to be there....but he's not.

I keep thinking back in my mind to all the good things I can remember about him. How goofy he was when he felt good, how much he loved Duke Basketball, how he would eat these pink candy lozenges and how we would beg for them, how he would bring me these little plastic containers of candy when he would come home from work when I was a little girl, how he would take Brandon to all of the Bunn football games when he was little, how he always loved Ginger Ale, his silly faces, when he came to my work with a brand new, red Toyota Tercel....so many things.

I am trying not to think about the bad things or how much my heart hurts right now, and it's 3:15 AM EST and I cannot sleep even though I have tried.....So, I write...

When myself & my sisters, Lori & Robyn, got to the hospital yesterday, my sister, Heather was already there. She told us that he was being weaned off of one of the meds they were giving him to keep his blood pressure up and that they were going to take him off of sedation meds to see if he had any brain function, but that it would be quick. We went in to see him, and he was stable, but no better. The next time I went in there things had changed drastically. We were told that he had dangerous levels of Potassium in his body. His heart rate was erratic, his BP had dropped, his pulse rate had dropped and his temperature had dropped. They put a warming blanket on him and added Calcium to his meds to try to counteract the Potassium. His nurse was very blunt with us and told us that if this didn't work, there was nothing else they were going to be able to do for him and it would just be a matter of time, and he would be gone. They had to add a BP med back and were having to do it every 15 minutes (again, a very bad sign) and before I left the room, the nurse had doubled the dosage. They were able to start trying to draw fluid off of him with the dialysis machine in the hope that his kidneys would start working again, but it never got to that point.

After he was gone, the doctor told us that because they could not determine what caused my daddy to die, there would be a mandatory autopsy that would take 24-48 hours. This is not due to the fact that they suspect foul play. It is due to the fact that they had to make sure no infectious diseases were involved, etc. I didn't want an autopsy done, but since I didn't have to make that decision, in a way I am glad. It isn't going to bring my father back, but at least if they can determine what caused him to deteriorate so quickly, maybe I can find some sort of peace & closure in the knowledge.

I am thankful that my sisters and I never had to make the decision to take my daddy off of life support. I am thankful that we didn't have to decide whether or not to have an autopsy performed. God spared us of that burden, and now we can grieve and gather our memories and think about my dad during the good times.

A Bible verse keep coming to my mind, and I want to share it with you:

The LORD Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
1	The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2	He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3	He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4	Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5	Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6	Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Where we stand with my daddy...

I missed my first flight into North Carolina yesterday, due to a combination of exhaustion and a miscalculation in the amount of time it takes to get to the Denver airport. I was put on standby and made the flight from Denver to Dallas Ft. Worth. I waited for about 2 hours and then was able to make the flight from Dallas Ft. Worth to RDU in Raleigh/Durham. I arrived at the hospital to see my dad around 6:30 PM EST.

I had somewhat tried to prepare myself for the way my dad was going to look hooked up to life support and with all the swelling from his kidneys and liver not working, but there is no way that I could have been completely prepared for that. I cried so hard that I was shaking!

Where we stand right now...My daddy is completed sedated. They do not know whether or not he has any kind of brain function, and are not going to take him off of the medication to find out. They feel that it would be too painful for him and just not right. He was talking up until Saturday and showing signs of at least somewhat understanding what was going on around him. He has no kidney or liver function at all. The fluid in his body is coming out of any pore in his body that it can come out of because it has no where to go. His fingers and toes are beginning to turn black from lack of oxygen. The doctor called my sisters into the conference room in the back at around 1:20 PM. He informed us that we needed to make a decision as far as whether or not to rescusitate my daddy. We chose not to, because we just don't feel that he would want that. He says that there is no sign of heart disease and that at this point, he doesn't think his heart is going to stop, but that with his other organs not working, eventually his body is going to say enough is enough and his heart is going to stop.

In another day or two, the doctor will know which way this thing is going to go. He told us that eventually we may have to decide whether or not to take him off of life support. I am still trying to have hope, but the doctor said that even if he were to make a full recovery, which at this point, is highly unlikely, he would lose a couple of fingers and toes AT THE VERY LEAST!

I know that God is watching over him and that while we may not understand why this is happening, there is a purpose for it. I may never know what that purpose is. Seeing my daddy like this is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. He just doesn't look like my daddy! Every time I go back to see him, it is harder than the last time. He is much more swollen and they cannot do much about it because he is still on blood pressure medicine, which is adding to the swelling that is also coming from his liver and kidneys not working. Again, I appreciate all of the prayers, and my cell phone is not working in the CCU waiting room. So, if you are trying to get hold of me and you can't, this is why!

Latest update on my daddy...

The doctors are saying that the chance of my dad making it at this point are slim. His body is in shock from a blood infection, and his heart is now failing. The stomach doctor came in to talk to my sister, Heather, after an ultrasound, and he told her that at this point the only way he could find out what is wrong with his stomach (ie. the vomiting and bleeding) was to open him up and do exploratory surgery. However, he said he would not make it through the surgery. He also said that my dad would most likely NOT make it through dialysis for his kidney failure either. His other doctor told my sister that they were pumping him full of antibiotics, and that all they could do was hope they would get rid of the infection and/or keep another infection from setting in. My sister signed the release form to begin the dialysis, because without it, my dad will die anyway. So, that is all I know at this point. Siting here, waiting for news and hoping & praying that he at least holds on until I can get there, is killing me. I am trying to keep busy by packing, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, doing my homework, etc. But it is always there in the back of my mind!

My flight leaves out of Denver tomorrow morning @ 7:10. I have a layover in ATL and then I arrive in RDU at 2:35 PM. Tim called American a little while ago to try to get me switched to a flight out today but they didn't have anything.

Continued prayers would be greatly appreciated! I am trying to have faith that no matter what happens it is God's will and if my dad leaves this Earth before I get there, then it was his time to go. But how do you cope with that? How do you comprehend it? How do you keep going?!

Anyway, I will update you all as soon as I know more!

Update on my daddy....

I got a phone call from my mother this afternoon, asking me if I had heard from my sister, Heather. I told her no, I hadn't, and then she said...There's nothing to get upset about!

Okay, when someone starts out a conversation with, "There's nothing to get upset about!" then you automatically can assume that something upsetting is about to come out of their mouth! I wasn't disappointed!

My father had been throwing up since the weekend. He has been throwing up off and on for months. We all thought that perhaps he was having some kind of reaction to his meds. Well, my sister, Heather was worried because he told her he couldn't drink anything and she was worried about him getting dehydrated. So, she told him that she thought he should go to the hospital. Surprisingly, he agreed. He started talking out of his head, so she called my mom and had her listen to him talking. My mom told her that she needed to get him to the hospital immediately. So, Heather called 911 and the ambulance came and got him and took him to Wake Med ~ North, which is in Raleigh, North Carolina. They admitted him to the ER and gave him an IV for dehydration. I don't know all the details since I am not there, but this is what my sister, Robyn told me:

The doctors put a tube that goes to his stomach to suction the contents out. Unfortunately, it's blood that is being emptied. Which means he's bleeding from somewhere and they aren't sure where... but it's been bleeding for weeks. His blood pressure continues to drop, his liver and kidneys are not functioning correctly.
They're putting him in the ICU.

So, he is now in the ICU at Wake Med (different hospital near downtown because they think he has an ulcer and wanted him somewhere with better care). They continue to pump meds into him to get his BP up! It is stable, but still not where they want it. He has a tube in his let that is putting blood and clotting agents back into his body. He lost a large amount of blood, so the doctors are having to replace it. They also gave him some medication to make him sleep. He was cracking a few jokes before my sisters left, which made them feel a lot better because he sounded more like his old self and not some crazy person out of his mind...

For me...yes, I am relieved that for the moment he is okay. However, my worst fear imaginable came true today. It is gut-wrenching for me to be 1,700 miles away from my family and not be able to be there for my daddy, and to have to wait for bits & pieces of information and I am going out of my mind. It's not fair! This is just not fair! Tim's dad was okay, too, and Tim was on his way to see him & be with him, and then he was gone! That CANNOT happen to me! I am praying & asking God to please keep me strong and keep those kind of thoughts out of my head. I am still very sick with bronchitis and trying to take care of my babies by myself and I can't deal with much more!

So, please say a prayer and tell everyone you know to say a prayer! Pray that whatever is wrong with him can be fixed. I believe in the power of prayer! I need it just as much as my daddy does. I haven't felt this helpless in a long time, and it sucks & it hurts!

So, thank you for all the well wishes & prayers so far! They are each and every one greatly appreciated! I love you all & I will keep you updated. Hopefully, tomorrow I will know more!

Reflection...

2008 is over, and I am almost one month into 2009...It is when you are torn between being glad that a year is over, and being grateful that it happened, and that you are still alive to relive it in your mind...

2008 began with Tim going to AIT for his medic training after having only been home from Basic Training for about 2 weeks. Not long after he left for Texas, I discovered that I was pregnant with #4. I had many, many mixed feelings. Joy, uncertainty, fear...I was 34-years old, not in the best of health, not the most patient person in the world, and going through one hell of a hard time...So, I did what I do best. I sucked it up, and kept going. Being a "single parent" again sucked. I was raising 3 kids, working full-time, going to school full-time and packing up an entire house, all while being ridiculously sick from being pregnant. It was good times.

I packed up our whole house basically all alone, scraped up the money to hire some guys to move all my stuff to a storage building, and moved in with my mom. From February to June, that is what I did. I kept it together for the most part. I worked until May, went to doctor's appointments, still had school full-time and took care of the kids.

Tim came home at the end of April after graduating from AIT. Up to this point, we STILL didn't know where the Army was going to send us. We had been given the very unfortunate news that we were going to Oklahoma, and I cried for a week. I mean, what the hell is in Oklahoma?! That didn't last long, though. Tim's final orders were for Ft. Carson, Colorado...Just when I thought it couldn't get ANY worse, I should have realized...THINGS CAN ALWAYS, ALWAYS be worse!!!!! This time, I only cried for a day or two. I mean, what are you gonna do?! However, the more I thought about it, the more petrified I became...

1,700 miles away from the only home you have EVER known is a long, long way! My supporters were mixed. Some sympathized & cried with me. A few told me to grow the hell up, stop feeling sorry for myself & embrace the adventure! Secretly, in my mind, I told them all to go to hell!!!!! For the most part, I just tried to keep on keeping on, and pretend that this was all a bad dream, and if I pushed it to the back of my mind long enough, it would go away. WRONG!!!!!

Tim left for Colorado at the beginning of May, reported in, and began the process of learning his job & finding a place for me & the kids to live. I told him in no uncertain terms that I was NOT coming to Colorado until I had a place to live, cable & internet. If I had to move to the deepest pits of hell, I was at least going to be technologically connected to the only place that will ever be home to me. While he was doing his thing in Colorado, I was still pretending that I wasn't going anywhere. I hung out with my sisters, did lunch with my friends, took the kids to Pullen Park.....Ang & Stasia (my BFF's) threw a baby shower for me on June 1st.

But then that day came in June when Tim showed back up in North Carolina, and I had to pack up my little room at my mom's and drive half-way across the country to a place that I just couldn't comprehend. We went to Winston-Salem to say goodbye to Tim's family. We did dinner at Golden Corral with my family. While sitting there, I looked around at everyone eating, talking, laughing and realized that that was the last time for I didn't know how long that we would all be in the same room together. It was a hard, hard moment for me and I couldn't help a few tears filling my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. Even now, as I type this, that feeling is so vivid and I am crying now. I quickly wiped the tears away, took a deep breath and pulled myself together. Man, it was hard to do, though.

The day before we left, I had lunch at Chili's in Wake Forest, NC with Ang & Stasia. We didn't talk about my leaving. We had lunch & a good time. We took a few pictures, and that was that. The night before we left, I said goodbye to my daddy, my sister, Heather & Brandon. THAT was hard. My heart hadn't hurt so badly since my Mema & Alex died...The next day, I said goodbye to my mom. I waited to start crying until she couldn't see me anymore, and then I cried freely...

It was a long, long trip. We drove for 3 days. We stopped overnight twice. The kids were actually pretty good, which was a blessing to me, because my nerves were shot! The drive was also very pretty. Although I am a beach girl, 100%, the mountains hold a weird fascination for me. Even crazier to me, was the obsession I developed with clouds, ESPECIALLY in Kansas ~ which, by the way, is a long-ass state! I realized while photographing about 100 different cloud scenes, that I wanted to take up photography. I took some AWESOME pictures!

When we crossed over the border into Colorado, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I guess it really hit me then that I wasn't home anymore, and that I wasn't going to be for God knew how long. It was a DEVASTATING realization, but I think I hid it very well.

We got on base, and got to our new "home," and were immediately bombarded by the neighbors. All I wanted to do was go inside and go to sleep, and sleep until it was time to go back to North Carolina. Instead, I stood there & talked to the new neighbors until they politely let us go, took what we needed into the house, did my inspection, and then I don't really remember....That July 4th was the first time I can EVER remember NOT being with my family!!!!!

So, fast forward to August...The house was in order, Nicki had gotten settled into school and it was time for Dylan to come. I came close to death twice, I survived. Dylan was healthy & handsome. Life went on.

September, October & November went by. My father-in-law unexpectedly died. No Halloween with my sisters & my neices. No Thanksgiving @ my mama's & my daddy's. December came and we decided that (with a little help from some angels) that we were going home for 2 weeks for Christmas/New Year's. We drove straight through, left Friday night @ 9 PM and got to my mama's around 7:30 AM on Sunday morning. THAT was an exhausting drive. The time went by WAY too fast, and then we drove back to Colorado. It wasn't as hard to leave this time, but what was the use in getting upset?!

So, what did I get out of 2008?

* Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to HORRIBLE people! We
may NEVER, EVER know why this happens. However, I know in my heart that God has a
REALLY good reason for allowing this to happen, even if I cannot comprehend it!
* I found out who my TRUE friends are, and it really hurt to know I had been duped!
* I was blessed with another little miracle to add to my family.
* I realized for probably the millionth time in my life that I am a lot stronger
than I think I am.
* I realized that I am NOT ready to die yet....
* I realized how short life is, and that there isn't time to "get it together"
tomorrow. You have to do it today!!!
* I am always going to be who I am, and I need to learn to accept that & stop trying
to be perfect.
* I will NEVER take for granted again any time that I am allowed to spend with my
family & friends back home in the future, because you never know when it might be
the last time!
* I want to go to the beach at least ONCE in North Carolina this summer!
* I have lost myself over the years, and I have to work harder to get back to me!
* I was wallowing in self-pity and misery because it was better to have people
feeling sorry for me than to have to buck up & deal with life!
* People who really love you care all the time, not just when they want to or when
it's convenient for them.
* People who truly love you don't hurt you intentionally, and when they do, they
take it to heart and try not to do it again.

So, I am going to make a conscious effort to make sure 2009 is better than 2008! I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was going to conduct my "butterfly experiment."

Flashback: [Recently, the thought has occurred to me to pretend like each one of these forgotten memories is a caterpillar in a cocoon. Then, I will imagine the cocoons opening up & these BEAUTIFUL butterflies emerge and fly away, each one taking a forgotten memory with them. Just let them go! I feel that I would then be somewhat at peace. So, I have decided that I am going to try that...]

I did it, and the result was...It worked & it didn't work. I realized that some memories will be forgotten and, if they are, they are meant to be forgotten. Some memories you can never get rid of no matter how hard you try...Sometimes this is a good thing & sometimes it's a bad thing. Recently, I thought how wonderful it would be to go back to certain times and relive certain memories from my past. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that if I were able to go back, I would probably make the same mistakes over again. Or worse...I would choose a different path, and the end result would be even worse than the original outcome! So, it's definitely a good thing that we can't go back...

If you get nothing else out of this blog, PLEASE get this:

When it doesn't rain it snows
Yeah the cookie crumbles but in whose hand?
All things said and all things done
Life is short

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done...life's too short

Ooooh could this be....
Ooooh could this be the day I've waited for?

Another door to peek in through
The floor is filthy
But the couch is clean
At the end of the day
That's another day gone
Life is short....Ooo life is short

Ooooh
Could this be....
Ooooh
Could this be the day I've waited for?

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba...

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done
Oh I am young but I have a past
Travelled far to find the start
Yes I am scared and I've been burnt
But life is short

Ooooh
Could this be...
Ooooh
Could this be the day I've waited for?

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba...

15 Things To Remember...

1. You should not confuse
your career with your life.

2. No matter what happens,
somebody will find a way
to take it too serious.

3. When trouble arises
and things look bad,
there is always one individual
who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often that person is crazy.

4. Nobody cares if you dance well.
Just get up and dance.

5. Never, ever, ever
lick a steak knife.

6. Take out the fortune
before you eat the cookie.

7. One of the most powerful
forces in the universe is gossip.

8. You will never find anyone
who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why
we observe daylight savings time.

9. There comes a time
when you should stop
expecting other people
to make a big deal
out of your birthday.
That time is age eleven.

10. The one thing that unites
all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe we are
above average drivers.

11. The main accomplishment
of almost all organized protests
is to annoy the people
who are not in them.

12. A person who is nice to you
but rude to a waiter
is not a nice person.

13. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative
at the same time.

14. There is a fine line between
"HOBBY" and "MENTAL ILLNESS".

15. If you want something to happen,
Start a rumor.

~~ Author Unknown ~~